夜里还常常像以前一样醒来，有时根本就不曾睡

asf322313

　　那是第一次真正爱上一个人。和他的开始没有一点浪漫可言。吴丽是我们俩共同的朋友，有一次去她家玩，想打牌，正好三缺一，吴丽一个电话就把他叫来了。
　　之后又有过几次接触，也大多是在吴丽的招揽之下，大家凑在一起玩玩，放松一下心情。从偶尔的闲谈中了解到，他也是一个人在这个城市里生活，朋友不是很多，吴丽的丈夫是他的大学同学，也是很要好的朋友，一个人无聊时就来她家蹭饭吃。"有时候真希望有个像吴丽家一样的家，和心爱的人，一块儿做饭、吃饭、吵架、逛街，一定很幸福。"说这话时，他有点沉醉在自己的想象中，有一种向往的陶醉。以前我以为这种柔情的话只有女孩会说，而听到一个大男孩这样说，还是第一次。如果说他打动我，可能就是那一刻吧。
　　也不知道我们是怎样开始单线联系的，反正当我们手牵手出现在吴丽面前时，她和她丈夫都意外，但好像也在十分的意料之中。开始时，我们天天打电话，像所有热恋中的人一样抱着电话不放，我们上班的地方离得很远，但我们总是在下班后挤一个多小时的公车，到离我们两个相同距离的一条小吃街去吃饭，散步，然后分别回家。有时候因为塞车，本来一个小时的路程可能要两个小时才到，但我们彼此没有怨言，能在工作一天之后相视一笑，一块儿吃饭，足以抵消任何的不快。三个月后，我们同居了。本来他不同意的，他说他要对我负责，必须结婚之后才可以住在一起。可是我没办法在每天吃完饭之后，再依依不舍地放他走，好像每一天的告别对我来说都是一种煎熬，虽然第二天我们还会再相见。这一次，我的固执和任性让他束手无策。
　　然后，我们登记结婚，没有举行什么仪式，只是双方的家人朋友聚在一起简单认识了一下。我们一直认为，所谓的仪式是给别人看的，而且我们也没有能力大肆铺张，相信有爱，我们就什么都有了。
　　我们终于过上了他所说的生活：和一个心爱的人，一起做饭、吃饭、吵架、逛街，而且乐此不疲。两个人的想法总是出奇地统一，对于事情的看法也常常不谋而合，当然偶尔也有小纷争，但那只是生活的小小点缀，稍纵即逝。
　　夜里睡在他身边，我常常从笑声中醒来，然后看着身边的他，就不愿再睡去了。有很多的夜晚，我就是这样为他失眠，看着他口角流出的口水，梦中紧锁的额眉，偶尔的梦呓往往叫着我的名字，然后无意地伸出胳膊，让我蜷缩在他的臂弯里......每天早上上班，我们总是相拥而别，这渐渐成了我们的习惯，就像每天必须吃饭一样，从不曾落下。他比我早半小时出门，每次总是把我从被窝里抱起，看我收拾一阵，再出门上班。偶尔他也会有例外，坏坏地掀起被子，大叫：曝光了。我很无奈很幸福地任他捉弄起来。
　　后来，为了方便联系，他送给我一部手机，那是除结婚戒指之外，他送给我的最贵的礼物。
　　之后我们就天天发短信。有一次，我去外地看一个朋友，之前告诉他，可能要在朋友家玩一两天，他有些不舍但还是点头答应了，并且提醒我不要关机，随时联系。朋友住在一间简陋的地下室里，因为很久没见，那晚我们聊了很久、很晚，差不多凌晨三四点的时候才有了倦意。在快要进入梦乡的时候，我们被"咚咚"的敲门声吵醒了。谁呢?这么晚?开门时，他和另一个朋友赫然站在门口，看到我，像瘫了一样，顺着门框滑坐下去，脸色苍白，好像经过了一件很可怕的事。我吓坏了，急忙蹲下扶住他。
　　"都是让你吓的。"同行的朋友对我说，"他给你发了无数短信，不见你回应，晚上应酬完工作上的事回家打你手机，总不在服务区，以为你出了什么事，叫我连夜开车送他来这儿找你。我说没事，他还不信。"我这才意识到，朋友的地下室信号不好，而我们一直在里面聊天，却忘了他。
　　"以后再有这样的事，我宁愿你杀了我!"他爱怜而满脸激愤地看着我，突然又紧紧抱住我，差点让我窒息过去，然后，有液体落在我肩头，烫烫的，他吓哭了......
　　1年后的现在，我还原了单身，过着一种波澜不惊的日子。偶尔也会有人走近我身边，用一种爱怜有加的眼光试图读懂我，有时候我恍惚地以为是他的替身，他舍不得我回来看我了，只是稍一静下来，就有了一种背叛的感觉。他非他，我却还是我，关于爱情的定义原来只适用在他的身上。慢慢地我学会了与别人调侃感情，用一种无所谓的语气，用一种旁观者的身份和朋友谈感情的事，但都是别人的，自己的是一片空白。
　　夜里还常常像以前一样醒来，有时根本就不曾睡，也会习惯地看着身边那个空空的枕头，虽然早已经没有了他的体温、体味;累了，也会习惯地蜷缩着身体，但却没有了他的臂弯做我的枕头......
　　闹钟成了我最好的朋友，代替他每天准时叫我起床，有时候会不由自主地掀起被子让自己曝光，但瞬间就惊醒了。
　　1年后的现在，我还用着他给我的手机，也常常收到一些短信，朋友的，亲人的，只是没有他的。有时去偏远的地方，也去过以前那个朋友的地下室，但我总是急急地回来，等他给我发短信，等他打来的电话。
　　1年又25天前，我像往常一样在门口与他拥抱、吻别，延续我们每天的习惯。
　　那天他要和一个同事出差去外地，要三天才可以回来，我们从来没有分开过三天，所以真的有点不舍，所以那天的拥抱我们花掉了三次的时间，他笑着说："我要把明天、后天的拥抱先行享受了。"路上，他给我发过两次短信：亲爱的，我们已经出了城，我开始想你了。宝贝，这儿是山路，信号不太好，晚上到了再给你电话吧。
　　然后，我就很幸福地等着他的电话，等......
　　可是再也没有等到。
　　后来，我给他打电话，可"对不起，您拨叫的用户不在服务区......"我开始给他单位打电话，给他的同事、上司、朋友，给同行的同事家里打电话，找一切可能联系到他的人，然而，一切都是徒劳。我找不到他，也找不到了自己。23个小时之后，有人告诉几近疯狂的我：在一个急转弯时，由于路线不熟，他们的车与另一辆车撞了，翻下了山，同行的三人中的两个再也没有回来，一个永远也站不起来了。
　　送他走的时候，我没有哭，现在也没有，我在等他的电话。后来，我去了他出事的地方，在那个山崖下找了两天，都没有找到他的手机......我每个月都会按时替他交费，每天都会打一次他的手机，发一个短信。每一次，我的爱情都回应我："您拨叫的用户不在服务区。"
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